I suppose it takes a lot of effort to make a truly bad movie. And when viewed through that lens, perhaps Borderlands can be considered an achievement of some kind. Viewed through any other lens though and it is simply a disaster.
Borderlands is based on the popular video game. I have not played the game so can’t say whether this is a faithful adaptation, or if the story is wildly different. Having seen the movie, I’m not sure it makes any difference. For the movie, the story is about Lilith, a bounty hunter who is sent (initially unwillingly) to her home planet of Pandora to retrieve a rich man’s daughter. But Pandora is not a particular nice place, having been ravaged by many searching for a lost vault said to contain the technology of an advanced race. Although not her mission, Lilith bands together with a group of quirky characters in search on the vault in the hopes of saving the galaxy. Basically, it’s sci-fi character in a sci-fi world doing sci-fi things.
The only positive thing I can think to say about the movie is that sometimes the visuals look good. They don’t always, sometimes looking like something from 20-30 years ago. But occasionally it gets it right. And I suppose the action is not terrible, although it is generally tame and unimaginative.Everything else though is a complete mess. The story is sloppy and it is some of the worst dialogue I have heard. Again, I don’t know the game so can’t compare. Here, it comes across as a combination of Guardians of the Galaxy (quirky characters coming together for a mission) combined with Raider of the Lost Ark (search for the vault) and Mad Max: Fury Road (Pandora and its residents), but as if those films were god awful. Mix them together with a bad script, awful dialogue and a lot of bad decision and you have yourself a Borderland smoothie that may choke you on the way down your throat.
I’m not sure how this movie secured the cast it did, but this is too talented a cast to be in something this bad. Kevin Hart plays an elite soldier. Jamie Lee Curtis plays a brilliant scientist who never does anything brilliant, including missing things obvious to the audience. Jack Black voices the most annoying robot in the galaxy (there’s never a moment of silence). Who knows what Gina Gershon is doing with her bad Mae West imitation. And I used to think there was nothing Cate Blanchett couldn’t elevate, but this proves me wrong. To be fair, there’s not a whole lot any of them can do with this material, but why any of them chose to do this movie is something I suspect only their accountants know.
Borderlands starts going wrong within the first few minutes, and it never figures out the right tone. I can’t decide it wanted to be a silly film that just takes itself too seriously, or if it wanted to be a serious movie that plays everything too silly. Obviously, there are choices being made here, I just have no idea what they are or what the final intent was. Whichever, it badly misses the mark.
Borderlands is definitely on my list of the worst movies of the year. I can’t imagine that anyone involved thought this was good. It comes across as a cynical attempt of trying to cash in on fans of the video game in hopes of a decent return. I don’t think they’ll get it though. Fans of the video game might still have some interest in seeing this, if only for curiousity’s sake. Everyone else should stay away. But if you’re going to watch this, I would suggest waiting for streaming where you can at least make a drinking game out of it. You’ll be wasted within a half hour.
Have you seen Borderlands? Are you planning to? Let me know your thoughts in the comments.